Food for thought: A Humbling and Sobering Quote About Life
“WHEN YOU’RE 20, YOU CARE WHAT EVERYONE THINKS, WHEN YOU’RE 40, YOU STOP CARING WHAT EVERYONE THINKS, WHEN YOU’RE 60, YOU REALIZE NO ONE WAS EVER THINKING ABOUT YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE.”
What a quote.
I consider myself an optimist but a skeptical one. On balance, I’m a believer in mindfulness, self-reflection and self improvement but I acknowledge humans propensity to overshoot a little too far in any direction. For that reason, I’m usually pretty skeptical of “ra-ra” feel good quotes or mantras but every now and again you find a diamond in the rough. This is one of those cases.
So profoundly accurate. Although most people don’t realize this until they get much further along in the game of life, the faster you realize it, the better off of you’ll be. Some never do. It exemplifies a classic case of a self-enclosing prison that many people can create for themselves. Fabled sociologist, Max Weber, coined it the iron cage. Always on trial, forever under scrutiny, trapped by the structures we create for ourselves but in reality they’ve been free all along.
Think about all the time people waste worrying what other people think? Trying to impress others or signaling you’re part of the group. Not doing what they really want but rather what they think other people will view as desirable or cool. This has never been so apparent than in the age of Social Media where people seem to get trapped in these unhealthy feedback loops that can wreak havoc on your health and your peace.
Then you have the people who proudly confess: “ I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks, I do what I want !” Great tag-line. It’s certainly a step up from worrying about and conforming to what you think the flavor of the day is. I’m actually not in disagreement with this philosophy but it makes the fatal assumption people are thinking about you in the first place. Here’s an M. Night Shyamalan level twist for you: turns out it was all in your head the whole time!
We assume people truly care about what we do. We assume people analyze and watch our actions and movements with a meticulous eye but that’s just our inner ego voice talking. The ego can be cruel and inaccurate, it’s important to remember that. For most people, their perception of life is like a movie where they are the main character. The classic protagonist. That’s all fine and good. Personally, I think you should live your life with this first person point of view, it’s human, it’s natural. Nothing wrong with it. The part that can trip people up is when they fail to acknowledge on the ‘meta-scale’ so is everyone else.
Think about how crazy, complicated and unique life is. Everyone is on a different journey, simultaneously working through their own set of unique challenges and objectives. Pursuing passions, finding love, exploring the world- this is what most of us spend our time doing. We don’t spend it over-overanalyzing what everyone is doing around us. Generally, even if they wanted, most people aren’t even tuned in enough to pick up on all the minutiae of others.
Take solace in the fact that no one is as aware of you as you. Meaning most things you’re worried about, the average person doesn’t even notice. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemies. This kind of hyper-awareness, while sometimes a positive, can be quite a hindrance. Its never good to fill in too many blanks. You know what they say about assuming.
Here’s a classic example I’ve talked with a friend about. Disclaimer: they’re naturally a little anxious to begin with but basically the issue was going for walks and people making eye contact with them and then getting self conscious from the people looking. As if every person looking at them was looking at something wrong with them. Whether it be hair, glasses , clothing, a pesky zit; you get my point.
I can attest to this as someone famous for going on long runs or walks that quickly escalate to me getting lost in my own world of thoughts which every now and then gets broken up by me accidentally locking eye contact with a passer by. Split second of eye contact- sometimes awkward- shit happens. Now, I’m looking forward and processing what’s in front of me but I’m listening to music, thinking a million different thoughts, considering 1000 different angles but I’m not thinking of you. Just another passer by. Save yourself the trouble, refrain from filling in the blanks.
Don’t assume the worst.
You aren’t on trial. Take solace in the fact that most people don’t really care. We’re all very busy in our own heads. That’s not to say in a bad way but- to use an age old euphemism- most people are knee deep in their own shit. Once you get that, life gets a whole lot easier. It takes a lot of that self-imposed pressure off. Step off the “keeping up with the Jones’” hamster wheel. It’s pointless and frankly silly. Think about it- sometimes it’s helpful to say things out loud: you have a very, unpredictably finite amount of time on this earth and you’re going to spend it worry about people’s perceptions of your actions or doing things you don’t really want to do just to get the approval of people who are barely even paying attention ? Doesn’t exactly sound like a fruitful endeavor.
Break your chains. Be unbothered. Be you.
Life becomes a lot easier that way.
Cheers!
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